When we’re on vacation, our natural instinct is to relax and enjoy ourselves. Unfortunately, sometimes that doesn’t happen when we’re fighting. We become tense and angry, which can disrupt the peace and harmony that vacations are meant to provide.
It can be difficult to resist the temptation to fight when we’re away from home, but who wants to share a vacation with someone who is bitter and angry? Fighting on vacation often has serious consequences, like ruining your trip!
One reason people often argue and fight when they are on vacation is because of the underlying pressure to have an amazing time. That is stressful.
The fact that they are likely spending a good amount of money to be away from home can put people over the edge if they feel they are not getting the desired results from their vacation.
Perhaps one might feel like the other is not taking enough advantage of the expensive amenities or is doing too much of one thing. With these feelings comes stress, and stress causes us to react unpleasantly at times.
According to a recent study, one in three couples fights more on vacation than they do at any other time of year, so if this is you, good for you for recognizing it and looking for solutions! If you and your partner are planning a getaway and want to avoid turning it into a battlefield, read on for some tips.
5 tips to strategically disagree or fight that will create more positive outcomes
- What is best for both parties?
Frame the argument in terms of what’s best for both parties involved. When we’re fighting, it’s easy to get caught up in our own emotions and think only about ourselves. Instead, try to take the perspective of your partner and look at the situation from their point of view. Remember, you love this person, and he or she is on the same team as you.
This will help you understand why they acted the way they did and may even provide solutions to conflicts that didn’t exist before.
If you must fight, be fair in the way you both air your grievances. Follow the 5 guidelines to help you both reach the best outcome.
1. Aim to talk through your disagreements calmly and intelligently.
Remember that you do not want to say things that you will later regret. Apologizing later is like putting a bandaid on a sore wound. It would have been nice to not need the bandaid.
There’s no need to tear apart the fabric of your relationship with hurtful words, which you will most certainly regret later. Take a few deep breaths, walk around, and calm down as much as you can first. Do not aim to hurt your life partner with painful words; this rarely goes in your favor.
Again, view your relationship as a team effort. Do not aim to tear down your own team; it is difficult to rebuild after a teardown. Both of you want what is best for the relationship and your lives together, so do whatever you have to do to preserve the dignity and respect of both parties.
Arguments don’t need to be heated or emotional. The calm and collected ones can usually make a point that is much better received and processed than a flaming angry person. No one considers what an angry person has to say because their anger discounts the validity of their words and ideas.
Avoid making any snap decisions while angry; wait until you’ve had some time to relax before responding thoughtfully. This goes hand in hand with refraining from saying angry words that you will most likely later regret.
3. Make as many compromises as possible.
Fighting isn’t always going to be 100% fair either way, so accept that fact and work towards compromise instead of taking everything away from your partner or winning every argument.
There is no “winner” in an argument between those who love each other because in order to have a winner, you have to have a loser. No one wants the one they love to feel like a loser because of them; that is negative for the couple as a whole. And if one partner doesn’t care about this and feels like they should “win” at all costs, then this attitude will likely cost them their relationship eventually.
Compromise doesn’t mean conceding defeat; it means finding a middle ground where everyone is happy or satisfied enough with the outcome. It takes effort, maturity, love, and practiced skill, but it is well worth it because it leads to stronger relationships overall.
4. Treat each other with respect.
No matter how mad we might feel at someone we love, we should never resort to “low blows.”
When arguing with your partner, it’s important to remember the Golden Rule. This simply states that you should treat others as you would want to be treated. If you’re respectful and understanding during an argument, your partner will likely reciprocate in the same way. Plus, treating someone with respect makes them more likely to listen when you have a disagreement later down the line.
5. Listen first
Listening more than speaking is a skill that we learn; it does not come instinctively. We should be practicing the skill of listening with intent daily—not just hearing someone, but actually listening and processing the ideas. The one who listens more usually argues with more skill, meaning they are likely to get a better outcome.
Listen thoughtfully and meaningfully to your partner.
Don’t speak over or interrupt your partner.
Give your partner or loved one the opportunity to explain their point of view. It is challenging to do this, and for those who can somewhat master it, it is impressive to the other person that you have restrained yourself and respected them enough to listen with intent. Just by doing this alone and listening with intent, you can move your points forward in the argument and possibly move the other person to change their disposition for the better.
Respect your partner’s feelings.
Do not attack them personally, use rude language, or make any threats. Using these kinds of arguments as weapons shows a lack of maturity and self-control.
Remember that arguments are not personal attacks against your partner; they are simply disagreements about how best to live together, and using the weapons mentioned above is a foolish way to try to get your own way. You will regret it if you do not put yourself in their shoes and respect the Golden Rule.
Fighting can be prevented.
Of course, not all fights are created equal—some are definitely worth avoiding if at all possible. If you’re hoping to keep the peace during your next vacation, here are a few tips:
Set some ground rules before you leave for vacation.
Before you even start packing your bags, sit down with your partner and set some ground rules for how you’ll behave while away from home.
3 Simple and Effective Rules for Vacation
- Agree to put away your phones at meal times so you can focus on each other.
- Decide how much money you’re comfortable spending without consulting one another first.
- Make time for yourself. Agree to having a few hours a day to unwind by yourself; perhaps you would like to sleep in while your partner gets breakfast on their own.
Maybe your partner would like to read a book by the pool on their own or go on a special interest solo excursion. This is healthy and completely normal, positive, and beneficial. Agree on when to meet afterwards, and enjoy each other then!
By having these kinds of conversations upfront, you can avoid a arguments later on.
Choose your battles wisely.
One of the best pieces of advice for preventing arguments is also one of the simplest: choose your battles wisely. If something small happens that bugs you, like your partner hogging the blankets all night or taking too long in the shower, try to let it go.
Getting worked up over every little thing will only lead to bigger arguments down the road. And besides, isn’t the whole point of vacation supposed to be relaxing?
“Don’t sweat the small stuff.”
Anger, frustration, and impatience are toxic, low vibration emotions that can really take a toll on relationships. These emotions understandably cause tension and conflict with those you love.
In fact, research has shown that angry people are actually fearful of something, and they are expressing their fear through anger.
Both cause a lack of control and focus on the important targets. Angry and impatient people are more likely to be divorced than those who are not.
It takes compromise and putting yourself in your loved one’s shoes to start to conquer these negative emotions and move away from using them. The sooner you can solve issues without getting angry and instead using more pragmatic thought and problem-solving skills that stem from both sides, now you’ll be cooking with gas!
5 tips to avoid getting upset at trivial things with the one you love
- Recognize when anger is happening and understand why you’re feeling this way. Once you identify the triggers, it will be easier to manage your emotions in a healthier and calmer way.
- Talk about your feelings with someone close to you. It can be helpful to have an outlet for all of your negative thoughts and feelings, and talking them out with somebody else often helps us process them in a constructive manner.
3. Don’t bottle up your anger,
Let it out in a more effective way instead. There are many ways to express yourself without resorting to shouting matches.
Try expressing your anger constructively through different outlets like working out, taking a walk, or becoming productive on your craft.
Better yet, try to identify the underlying fear as to why the anger emotion is bubbling up. This will allow you to take control of your emotions in a much more effective way because anger is rarely an effective tool to produce desired results.
4. Be realistic
Do not expect things from your loved ones that they couldn’t possibly deliver anyway, like impossible promises that are not meant as such. Allow yourself some room for disappointment so that grievances don’t turn into full blown fights later down the line.
5. Avoid arguing over small stuff.
If an argument becomes focused on petty issues rather than core disagreements, chances are high that both parties will end up losing, and nothing constructive will result.
No couple is perfect, and even the healthiest relationships have their fair share of disagreements. But just because you’re bound to butt heads with your partner from time to time doesn’t mean that those battles have to ruin your vacation.
By following the tips above, you can avoid most arguments and enjoy quality time with the person you love most—no matter where you are in the world.
Now put on a big smile and be the person that you would want to go away with on vacation!
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